Restoring stolen self-esteem
A few years ago, while I was in a grocery store and Wanted to pay and then leave, there was right in front of me, a big, strong man. He seemed very angry that he didn't have the card that enabled him to get a discount on check-out from the store. He pointed his finger at the woman responsible for taking the price from customers, throwing stun grenades at her and speaking in a very harsh tone. The simple woman was doing her best. She was thinking, "What are you doing?" How do you handle it? And I say to myself: What am I going to do in this situation?
Then I swallowed my throat and I stepped on his shoulder and I said, "No matter what's going on here, whatever you're trying to do, it's not going to work. This lady here is really doing a good job of trying to be patient with you. By the way, it's not the one that made the discount card policy. She's trying to do her best to be a logical person while you're being terribly irrational towards her, which is totally unacceptable. I think you need to take your stuff and get out of here."
He directed his anger at me. I'm glad he didn't look at me in that place, but he fired a few stun grenades at me and told me I didn't speak politely and then he picked up his stuff and walked away and pointed at me with his finger. Then the woman started crying. I said to her, "Mom, I'm really sorry that this guy talked to you in a rude way that made you cry like this.
" She replied: "I'm not crying because of what he did, I'm crying because this is the first time someone has stood in public and speaks this way on my behalf.
I didn't know what to do, it was a really touching moment. Then she brought me half a gallon of ice cream and gave it to me for free and I couldn't tell her I couldn't afford lactose.
When you're exposed to people who have this harsh behavior and have to be under control, what do we do? One of the basic things I emphasize is that if you're angry, you can manage your anger and express it in a respectful way that preserves the dignity of others. But there are people who don't know at all how to do this, and if they're not ready to know how to manage their anger, that doesn't mean you have to go down the ditch with them. We can now move on to the following question: "What happens inside someone who feels the need to take someone else's respect for himself?"
If we look at the personal background of these people, they too have been harmed and have received a lot of insults, criticisms, negative judgments, conditional acceptance and learned that respect does not come naturally.
They do not understand the meaning of respect because they have been exposed to wrong patterns and methods of communication. Among these people are those who do not see your humanity, and do not see you as an individual with legitimate needs.
All this anger and abuse is inflicted on you without thinking. They have a very weak self-awareness, and they try by stealing your sense of self-esteem, building themselves and feeling worthy.
But in their sense of entitlement and through their actions, they say, "I'm someone who deserves a lot more than you give me now.
" The extent of an individual's mental health is "I deserve" because once you enter the "I deserve" mentality, it becomes easy to take you to the next level of entitlement and the effects that accompany it.
In addition, by underestimating you, the person who steals your sense of self-esteem is trying to build a fragile ego and try to prove superiority. It is not a good way to do this, but people have been doing this for many years, for decades, centuries and thousands of years. They build themselves by demolishing someone else.
Then, in addition, we can say that this person is a girl or a wounded little boy who simply has not come to his humanity and certainly does not know how to deal with your humanity properly.
So what are we going to do when we confront these people who have a bad understanding of the concept of respect, dignity, and honor? Well, let's first admit that self-respect is not a matter of public opinion, it's not a matter of voting, where other people vote and say, "Well, today you deserve respect, and maybe tomorrow you don't." Some people want to consider themselves the ultimate arbiter of this kind of fact, but they are not.
I believe that: every human being deserves respect, every human being deserves dignity, and if other individuals do not admit it, that does not make this fact any less true.
So keep in mind that these people are not the last word for your humanity and your inner sense of safety. When such people treat you with disrespect, make sure you see it as an inappropriate way to communicate and by not answering you, you can turn back the lack of respect.
One of the indications that you know you're okay internally is that you don't need to steal or underestimate someone else's safety or comfort. It's really easy to be respectful when the other one behaves to me the way I want. But the sign of maturity — which requires a lot of restraint — is that you can maintain self-respect and respect for the other even when the other doesn't give you a good excuse to do so.
You can't let a hurtful and injured person drag you into his emotional quagmire.
If such a person is not in line with what I believe about "who I am," "how I want to be treated" and "how I want to treat other people," we may not have a strong relationship with each other.
Sometimes, if disrespect persists, you have to step aside from yourself.
Your respect and dignity are part of your humanity and part of the humanity of all the people around you. Don't drift into the sink!
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